im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
