I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
