apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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