i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
