its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
