after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
