It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
