I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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