there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
