that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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