Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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