Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
