I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
