Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
