i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
last night I used snow as a chaser
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
