Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
