We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
