he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
