I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
