i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
