it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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