i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
