idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
