You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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