I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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