so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
