I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
