Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
