dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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