You're so nebulous sometimes
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
