omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
