Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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