Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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