I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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