I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
