I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
