just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
