where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
