Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
