You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
