Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Who wears a wallet chain?!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
