i don't like sucking hair
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
