angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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