That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
