you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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