Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
