When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
