I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
