Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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