decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
