Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
